Hundreds of contacts, and no one to call at midnight. Loneliness is now called a public-health problem, but philosophers have long treated friendship as one of life’s greatest goods — and solitude, rightly understood, as something different from loneliness.
“Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods.”Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics VIII.1 (tr. W. D. Ross)
Aristotle devoted two of the ten books of his Ethics to friendship. The best kind, he said, isn't based on usefulness or fun but on each person caring about the other's good — and it takes time and shared life to grow.
“Of all the things which wisdom provides to make us entirely happy, much the greatest is the possession of friendship.”Epicurus, Principal Doctrines 27 (tr. R. D. Hicks)
Epicurus lived with his friends in a garden outside Athens. Friendship, for him, was not a luxury added to a good life; it was most of what a good life is made of.
“Is it not delightful to have friends coming from distant quarters?”Analects 1.1 (tr. James Legge)
The very first page of the Analects names friendship as one of life's joys, alongside learning.
Illustration: solitude can be a choice; loneliness rarely is
When his attendant Ananda suggested that good friendship was half of the holy life, the Buddha corrected him: it is the whole of it. Even on the most inward of paths, we need companions.
Upaddha Sutta, Samyutta Nikaya 45.2
“Our language has wisely sensed these two sides of man’s being alone. It has created the word “loneliness” to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word “solitude” to express the glory of being alone.”Paul Tillich, The Eternal Now (1963)
Being alone can be painful or restorative. Learning to enjoy your own company makes loneliness less frightening, and makes you better company for others.
Go deeper: The Mystic Path, or loving-kindness meditation.
If this is more than an ordinary worry — if it is constant, overwhelming or affecting your sleep, work or safety — please talk to a doctor or counsellor. In India, Tele-MANAS offers free, confidential support at any hour on 14416.
Stanford Encyclopedia: Friendship · Upaddha Sutta, tr. Thanissaro Bhikkhu · Aristotle
